Marthaexercize

Jane Marie proudly presents

Taffy Whickers and Fun with Fitness

Mr. E. A. (Eat Anything) Whickers, mouse proprietor of Martha Bear's General Store and Online Emporium at MarthaBear.com, and his dear wife, Taffy, had recently finished watching one of her favorite old Hollywood movies, Love is a Many-Splendored Thing, starring William Holden and a nicely slim Jennifer Jones.

Taffy sighed a big sigh as she nibbled on the popcorn kernel she found between the sofa cushions. "Isn't romance wonderful, Mr. Whickers?"

Distracted by a flapping piece of dog fur snagged on the handle of a lower kitchen cupboard, he responded with, "Huh?"

Taffy's husband was always on the prowl for food like any upstanding and responsible mouse. He was also easily distracted by moving objects. "Mr. Whickers, would you please try and pay attention to your wife? You're just like our dear Nancy. She's one fine human. I so enjoy the Fancy Fables and fun articles she edits for GraciousJaneMarie.com, and I do love making our home in the walls of her house, but sometimes Nancy's concentration is as poor as yours. While you're distracted by moving objects, Nancy is distracted by shiny objects. At least she had the good sense to found VeryShinyObjects.com, her handmade jewelry estore. You, on the other hand ..."

Mother Whickers saw her husband's ever-present smile go from right side up to upside down. She realized he was frowning, and this made her consider why she was ranting. She should be counting her blessings. She knew Mr. Whickers loved her very much. He enjoyed scurrying after her as she led him on a merry chase. Their usual path was in, under and over the furniture, the canned goods and the in the walls - the prime location of their living quarters where they raised their three teenage mouselings, Satin, Suede and Harry Whickers, aka Little Cheese.

"I'm sorry I was short with you, dear." She scampered to his side and kissed him square on his small heart-shaped nose. "Let's begin again. Isn't romance wonderful?" she repeated.

When the subject matter to which his wife was referring registered with the slightly rotund mouse, his eye lids retracted, exposing brown ball-bearing-like eyeballs to their fullest bulge. His long tail stood at attention. In short, Mr. Whickers was all large pink ears as he listened to his wife.

"Yes, indeedy. Romance is a high priority on my list," he agreed

His wife blushed. "Have you noticed how trim all the leading lady movie stars and cartoon mice are?"

"Have I ever," he confirmed, taking her hand and kissing it.

Not wanting to show the jealousy she was feeling, Taffy quickly continued, hoping for the answer she sought. "Do you think I have a good figure?"

It was one of those questions husband mice fear. If Mr. Whickers answered in the negative, his plans for the night would change. He would either be sharing Nancy's desk drawer with Teddy O™, the rascally stuffed bear of the house, or slumbering amongst the canine critters in the laundry room. He much preferred the spots he usually shared with his wife - inside the fresh toilet tissue tubes in the linen closet, between the stash of clean furnace filters, or in the microwave container they'd found in the recycling bin. (The Mrs. had lined it with dryer lint, covered the lint with a folded linen dinner napkin whose stain lay hidden on the underside, and then fashioned a coverlet from one of Jane Marie's knitted cotton dishcloths. Naturally, his answer was a resounding, "Yes."

Any female mouse in her right mind knows never to believe a male mouse when it comes to the matter of her figure. Taffy Whickers had been silly to ask in the first place. She grinned sweetly, patted Mr. Whickers' chin and knew what she had to do. "I'll see you later." With that she disappeared into the tiny crevice between the baseboard and the lavender wall behind the huge easy chair.

"I wonder what she's up to now," Mr. Whickers said aloud to himself, but loud enough for her to hear.

"Want me to find out?" asked Teddy O™ who had been eavesdropping on the mouse couple.

"Thank you anyway, Ted, but I'm sure I'll find out if and when she wants me to. I'd best be getting back to the inventory. I like to weigh each package to make certain our customers are not shortchanged in any way. Quality is the watchword."

"You can't fool me, Mr. Lickers. You just like to play with our very shiny objects. Now come on. Admit it."

"Well, uh." Used to Teddy O™ calling him names, Mr. Whickers ignored the tease and hesitated. "I can't fool you, Teddy. You've got me," the mouse admitted.

"Go on, then. Go do what needs to be done, and I'll do the same," said Teddy O™ with an encouraging grin. Although Mr. Whickers had declined Teddy O's offer to find out what Mother Whickers was up to, the curious bear felt his services were needed. Friends watched out for and over one another. Perhaps this was a chance to do a good deed and report it to the members of his club, The Thundering Teddies, who lived by the motto of "Do Right." (The trouble was they didn’t always succeed.) Today, though, he was sure he would triumph and perhaps earn some much needed points toward his Good Deed Badge.

Retrieving a flashlight from the kitchen junk drawer, Teddy O™ began searching for Mother Whickers. He looked between all the books on the bookshelves almost to the point of exhaustion because Nancy had so many. He looked behind the flowerpots on the windowsills and under all the beds in the many storage boxes jammed into those dusty spaces. He finally opened all the cupboard doors in the bathroom. Pushing aside the cleaning products, his keen bear ears heard mouse voices. Teddy O™ turned off the flashlight and just listened.

"I need your help, Harry."

"Aw, Ma. Can't you call me Little Cheese like all my friends?"

"Now Harry. If we'd wanted you to be called Little Cheese, don't you think your father and I would have had that written that on your birth certificate?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied sadly.

"Here's the plan. I need to lose a few ounces. Since you have such large mouse muscles and I see you running and working out all the time, I'd like you to suggest an exercise regimen for me so I can be as trim as the movie mice on the silver screen."

"Gee, Ma. Thanks for noticing, but I don't know. I work pretty hard at working out and frankly, I'm not sure you're up to it. I mean, not only do I run, but I lift bottle caps and do calisthenics and watch what I eat. That's the hardest part of all."

Mother Whickers took a big gulp. "I know I'll have difficulty turning away from the dinner table, but I'm determined to do this thing, Little Cheese."

The face of the younger mouse lit up at his mother's use of his nickname. "Thank you. I'm game if you are."

All this was lost on Teddy O™ who was whispering to himself, "Aw shucks. I thought I could help somehow." Disappointed, he walked away, right into Nancy's shins.

"Hey, little fellow." She picked up her bear and nuzzled his cheek to hers like she liked and like he liked and said, "You seem to be thinking hard about something. Can I help?"

"No, but thanks. I just was trying to help a friend, and I don't think I'll be able to now."

"That's very noble of you, Teddy. Keep thinking about it. Maybe something will come to you."

She set him down and went to her computer to continue editing Jane Marie's article May the Buds Be with You, which was about flower arranging.

Teddy O™ fell asleep that night still pondering what he could do to help Mother Whickers on her exercise journey to fitness. He, of course, could be a companion to her and do the same chin-ups and push-ups as she did and run the same course as well, but then he might break a sweat. That would definitely not be a better thing, as Jane Marie's bear, Martha, always said. Besides, whatever he was doing to keep in shape must be right on target because he had all the attention from bear ladies he could handle, thank you very much. If he stated exercising and developed any more muscles, he just knew he would keel over from romantic exhaustion. And what fun would that be?

Next morning, Teddy heard mumbling as he made his way to the bathroom. He entered the room quietly and silently shut the door. There it was again. "And one and two and three and four. And one and two and three and four." Teddy O™ peeked into the bathroom cupboard. There he spied Little Cheese wearing gym shorts and a tank top. Mother Whickers was beside him dressed in a form fitting pink leotard, purple sneakers and a sparkling gold sweatband, which he recognized as a rubber band covered with glitter. She was bent over, trying to inhale some air.

"I told you it would be too much for you, Ma. Are you okay?"

Taffy Whickers knees were about to give out, "It's alright, son. Just let your mother sit down for a few moments." Little Cheese helped her to a brand new bar of soap where she plopped down. "If you'd be so kind as to get me a drink of water, honey, that would help."

Little Cheese was off in a flash. Teddy O™ saw him dash and wished he had a camera handy to snap the picture of the fastest mouse in the house. Then it came to him! Teddy knew just how to help Mother Whickers and get credit toward his Good Deed Badge from The Thundering Teddies.

Weeks passed. As time dropped away, so did the ounces from Taffy Whickers middle. "My, you look especially fetching, my darling," Mr. Whickers told her. "What have you been doing? You know all the rodents around the neighborhood are commenting about how youthful you appear and what a lucky mouse I am."

Taffy blushed. "I haven't done it alone. I have to thank ..."

"How strange! How very strange!" interrupted Nancy, not realizing she had disturbed a private moment between mouse and spouse.

"Excuse me, Nancy?" asked Mr. Whickers. "What is strange?"

"My new digital camera. It seems that every time I put new batteries in it, they drain over night. I can't imagine why. And all the pictures are blank. I can't figure it out. I guess I'll just have to take it to the repair shop."

Hearing this, alarm struck the heart of Taffy Whickers and she began trembling. "Oh no. What have we done?"

Mr. Whickers was the first to notice. "Taffy, my angel. What's the matter?" He took her paw, patting it.

Nancy bent down and scooped the Mr. and Mrs. into her cupped palms. "It will be alright, Taffy. Whatever it is, we'll tackle it together and it'll be fine. So long as you have your health, you do have your health, don't you?"

"She sure does," interjected Teddy O™ who had heard Nancy's last question while on his way to the cookie jar. "And you can all thank me," he added proudly.

Nancy looked down at him. "Is your fine hand in on this Teddy?"

"Certainly. The new, improved Taffy Whickers has followed my exercise regimen and look at her now."

Mr. Whickers spread Nancy's thumb from her index finger so he could glare down at the bear. "And if I dare ask, just what kind of exercise program has my sweetums been following?"

"Hey, Mr. Lickers. Don't get all crabby on me. You owe me one. Look at her. Isn't she perty?" Everyone stared at Taffy who had paled and was still trembling. "Well, she appears a bit peaked right now," Teddy O™ admitted, "but usually she's the picture of perfection."

"Teddy O™," Nancy said as calmly as she could while she slowly walked to the sofa stroking Taffy. "We'd like you to explain what you call your exercise regimen. And now, please."

Not understanding everyone's concern, he said, "I guess I can spill the cheese. Right, Taff?" He chortled at his creative substitution of cheese for beans. "We wanted to keep it a secret until we were sure it was working. Well, there's the proof before you." Taffy tried to smile, but her concern prevented it.

"Everybody knows Taffy tried exercising with Little Cheese, but it was just too hard for her. Then the solution came to me. Now, Nancy, you know how I like to sleep in."

She nodded, thinking of all the times he'd reprimanded her for typing too loudly too early. "Yes. I'm well aware of your sleeping habits. Go on."

"Well, being the diligent bear I am, I've been getting up before sunrise and meeting Taffy in the coat closet. She'd come dressed in her workout clothes, and we'd begin her jumping jacks."

"Jumping jacks?" Mr. Whickers questioned. "She tried that with Little Cheese. It hurt her hips."

"Ah," responded Teddy O™. "But not just any jumping jacks. Jumping jacks on the springy shutter release of Nancy's digital camera."

Expecting a huge hurrah in response to his inventiveness, Teddy O™ was surprised to observe only dead air. Perhaps they all need a bit of clarification, he thought. "You see, the button you push to take pictures works on some kind of a spring-thingy, the result being that of a trampoline when you're a small mouse. Every time Mother Whickers came down on the button, it was a much softer landing for her. The spring under the button propelled her up into the air, thereby putting less strain on her hips and knees. Now were it I jumping on the button, I'd have smashed Nancy's camera to smithereens."

Finally, Nancy spoke. "And what of all the pictures you took?"

"Ah, uh, pictures? We didn’t take any pictures, did we? The flash never went off inside the closet."

"The flash didn’t work because I often turn it off to get natural light shots."

"Oh," was all Teddy O™ could think to say.

Composing herself, Taffy crawled down Nancy's arm to stand on the table beside the sofa. "Listen everyone. It was as much my fault as it was Teddy O's. If I know Nancy, she's not upset because we used her camera."

"And burned up all the batteries?" Teddy O™ guessed.

Nancy nodded. "I use rechargeable batteries, but I thought my reasonably expensive camera would need a very expensive repair job because all of the batteries were drained of their charges each morning."

"Yes, well," Taffy continued, "Nancy is upset because we didn't ask permission to use her camera and we might have broken it. Is that right, Nance?"

It was always so hard to be stern when one was reprimanding bears and mice. "Yes. That's it exactly. In the future, I would appreciate it if you'd let me know your plans, particularly when it comes to electronics. Although I always get excellent buys when we click through the links on our website, it is still important for everyone to remember that business equipment is not to be used for casual purposes."

Teddy O's back went up. "We were not using it casually, Nancy. I tried to explain."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I stand corrected." Nancy rolled her eyes. Teddy O™ could be such a hair-splitter at times. "The camera should not be used as exercise equipment." How was it, she wondered, that Teddy O™ always managed to turn things around so she was the one apologizing?

"I should have known better," Taffy confessed.

"Except for having to recharge the batteries, no actual harm was done, Taffy, so it's fine." Nancy turned to Teddy O™. "Next time you have a brainstorm, how about letting me in on it?"

"Now I ask you, how will that be possible, Nance? The surprise might be for you. Besides, look how happy Mr. Lickers is with Mother Whickers newer slimmer figure. You can't find fault with that. Bottom line, all's well that ends well. Hey, this should give me a good bunch of points toward my Good Deed Badge, don't cha think?" As he ran to the front door, he called over his shoulder, "See everybody later. I've gotta tell the other Thundering Teddies. They'll want to hear all the details."

Nancy sighed, as she watched Taffy and Mr. Whickers walk down the hallway hand in hand. Even Teddy O™ was sometimes right. All's well that ends well. And with that in mind, Nancy walked to the DVD player to crank up her copy of Winsor Pilates. After all, what's good for the mouse is good for the mouse's friend.

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