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Victorian Dining Rules

 

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"The character of a gentleman is measured, not by the extent of his paternal estate, or by the length of his pedigree, but by his moral and intellectual worth and good manners."  Morrisons' Strangers's Guide and Etiquette, for Washington City and it's Vicinity, 1862   more quotations

 

 

 

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Victorian Dining -

Rules to Eat By

By Jane Marie

Victorians took their dining very seriously.  There at the dinner table, be it formal or middle-class everyday, they could slow down from the hectic pace of living and gather together to share their experiences and discuss issues of their time, just as we do today.  Only the rules are different.  Those knowing the rituals were accepted.  Those who tripped up were shunned as having less than noble character and breeding.

Many table manners mimicked those of the nobility and became so important during the late 19th century that etiquette books and manuals poured off the presses.  Those books often contained recipes and explicit diagrams/instructions as to where the glasses, silver and dishes were to be placed on the table.   Some went to far as to advise on decorating the dining room.  The room was to have a sideboard and a door or pass through into the kitchen for serving ease.  A china cabinet was necessary whenever affordable.

Menus were required, either printed or handwritten.  The more formal the occasion, the more formal the menu.   The food being served was listed, of course, along with the names of those offering toasts, the words of the toasts; the speakers and anyone doing anything other than eating.   Menus might be so fancy, replete with gold leaf lettering and tassels, and representative of a special occasion, they sometimes were taken home as a memento.

Table settings:

  • Flowers adorn the center of the table.  If there is a large arrangement to impress those approaching the table, it should be removed just before seating, so as not to block the line of sight. Often, small vials filled with water and a single stem would be centered on each woman's plate.  The silver vials might have a pin or clip on the back for attaching to a woman's gown.
  • Use only white table clothes for formal meals.   The white background presents a plain palette on which to showcase decorative china.
  • Glassware must be a matched set.
  • Set a carafe of fresh water at each corner of the table.
  • Set salt cellars (often small cut glass bowls about 11/2 inches deep) between every pair of guests.  Celery, radishes, carrots, green onions, etc., could be dipped in the salt.
  • Finger bowls, sometimes with lemon, might be available after the fish course and along with dessert.
  • Leave desserts on the sideboard in order not to crowd the table.  Additionally, their decorative appearance is highlighted in this way.  Serve most sweeties on plates as opposed to bowls.  Ice cream and shaved, flavored ice may be served on plates.

The mounds of food offered at formal meals were often massive.  The fanciest of dinners might consist of as many as twelve courses, beginning with appetizers and, perhaps, light veggies and a soup, more vegetables, meat or fish entrée with vegetables, a refreshing, light punch to cleanse the palette, nuts, more fish, salad, fruit and cheese, dessert with water, and finally coffee liqueurs with cigars for the men, and coffee for the women.

While European practices were incorporated, the serving of alcohol being one, Victorians generally frowned upon such drink.

"You can not know what harm you may do your guests by placing wine before them.  You may create in your friend an appetite for strong drink; you may renew a passion long controlled."  American Etiquette and Rules of Politeness, A. E. Davis 1882

Behavior:

  • Scented cologne should be understated so as not to interfere with the delicious smell of the food.
  • Never be late to dinner as it would be an insult to the host and hostess.   If detained, send a note ahead to alert them so they may explain to the other guests, in generalities only, the empty chair at the table.
  • The eldest or highest woman in social standing leads the way into the dining hall on the arm of the host.   The hostess enters last, escorted by the eldest male.
  • A husband and wife are never seated beside each other.
  • Make all introductions before everyone is seated.
  • Gloves must be removed upon being seated.
  • Drape your cloth napkin over one thigh.   Do not tuck it in the neck of your shirt or bodice and do not spread it across the flat of your lap. If one is careful while eating, no spillage will appear on clothing.   Women are to tap the corners of the mouth daintily while men may dab.   Men's moustaches should be trimmed so no unsightly crumbs and/or drips gather.
  • Do not spit bad food or a bone fragment out of the mouth.   Rather, gently express it onto the fork through nearly closed lips.  Any small fruit seeds should be removed from the mouth with the fingers.

    "Don't bite into a whole peach at the table the same as you would if you were out under the tree.   When eating grapes don't blow the pits into the plate and all over the table."  Christine Terhune Herrick, The Modern Hostess, 1908

  • Always wipe the mouth before and after drinking to prevent soiling the rim of the glass with errant crumbage or worse.
  • When carving, cuffs might become soiled, but they are never to be turned up.
  • All ladies, including the host family, are served first.
  • Do not overload the plate.
  • Do not force food upon someone who declines it.
  • Do not explain why particular foods give you gas or indigestion.
  • Sip soup from the side of the bowl of the spoon, not the front tip.  Do not ask for a second portion of soup.
  • Break or tear bread/rolls/biscuits.   Never cut them.   Never put your broken bread into soup or mop your plate with it.   Put butter on one torn piece of bread at a time, not the entire piece.
  • Do not hold bones in your hands and eat.  Cut meat from the bone with a knife.
  • Keep all conversation light so as not to disrupt digestion.  There are to be no emotional or physical disturbances of any kind whilst dining.  Each diner indicates his personal refinement and command of himself and his actions.   Should an incident occur, it must be ignored and no comment of any kind made.
  • Make no rude noises at the table of any sort nor talk in a loud voice, as it will disturb others.  Should another perform a distasteful act unknowingly, ignore it to lessen embarrass.
  • Should a woman have to leave the table during dinner, all men rise and remain standing until she has left the room.
  • Do not use the term meat for it is coarse.  Instead call it beef or pork.
  • Should you discover a pest, hair or unwanted object of some sort in your food, remove with a fork or spoon and hide under the rim of the plate.  Do not embarrass the hostess by alerting her to such.
  • Never use a toothpick at the table or in public.  If you absolutely must dislodge a food morsel, conceal the action with your hand.
  • Do not suck or lick your fingers or hands.
  • Never ignore the person seated beside you or talk across him or her.
  • Always leave a bit of soup, bread, meat or food on the dish to show you are not so destitute as to have to scrape the plate.
  • Drape your napkin loosely on the table when finished lest it be mistaken as clean.  Never fold it, for that is part of servants' duties.
  • Formal meals could run from one to two hours with one and one half (90 minutes) being preferable in length.
  • Upon leaving, tell the host/hostess what a lovely time you have had, but never say thank you.

With our casual way of things these days, I am proud to say I recognize many of these rules because my dear mother taught them to me.   May proper etiquette never go out of style.


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